mayday mayday

How can it possibly be May? How can an entire month - nearly two - have passed without a blog post?

All too easily, my friend.

I spent most of April in the nineteenth century. Not figuratively, as I did when researching Legend of the Lost Jewels. No, I mean I actually lived as a Victorian. In the space of a few scant weeks my vacuum died, my dishwasher died, my car - and I do mean this literally - blew up. Big boom. Clouds of smoke. Thousands of dollars of mysteriously uncovered by warranty damage.

And in the middle of all that, four of the five members of my immediate family were visited by a most determined colony of head lice. (Which four members, you ask? Naturally, I'm sworn to secrecy. But I can tell you this much: it was those of us with hair.)

Weeks later, when I finally emerged, blinking, from my Dickensian state? Playoff time. Hmm. Local reporters may cringe before Sam Mitchell, like he's Stringer Bell in a nicer suit, but that's just cause they give up about 75 - 100 IQ points to the man. Each. It says here that Sam Mitchell is an excellent coach but I believe I called this season last fall, when I pointed out that the Raptors, while apparently an awfully nice cast of characters, were relying for toughness on a player with a broken foot. A European player, not to unduly indulge in anyone's fondness for stereotypes, because any guy willing to play on the strength of his tendons gets cred for toughness. Not sanity, perhaps, or intelligence, but playing with a big old crack in your ankle bone sounds pretty darn tough to me.

But apart from that gaping chasm in the roster? I thought Rasho Nesterovic had a truly impressive season. Seriously. But doesn't that just speak volumes about our roster? I don't honestly know who will get through to our former number one draft pick, but someone better find a way to help Barnagni play like he's seven feet tall and fast, because we have enough depth at the one, ta very much. And here I should just add that - unlike many of my fellow callers to great Fan 590 sports radio - I send my love to both our point guards, to the selfless, steady Calderon and the mercurial, magical Ford. If the league has room for both Iverson and Nash, surely the Raptors have room for two tiny little playmakers? Still, Bosh, the hardworking racehorse, needs more talent in his stable. It's nothing personal about these guys. I've worn AP's jersey since he arrived and I love the aging rookie Moon as much as the next guy. Jason Kapono had great hair all season long (and great game through much of the post season). And Carlos Delfino? When he was good he was very very good and well, you know...

I'm not saying I want to see us sign an Artest or a Bowen, but someone has to grab rebounds and throw elbows and go to work on their guy. But when the toughest guy on our team is wearing a finely tailored suit and holding a clipboard and the rules say he can't cross centre court... well, we're just treading water and the sharks know it.

Man, I could never have survived in the nineteenth century. I can do without the car - even a non-combusting version. But I wouldn't want to inhabit a a world with no vacuums, no dishwashers, no Raptors.

Just rampant, unchecked armies of head lice.